You. Yes, you. I’m sorry

I’m sorry.

I was the a******  on the road yesterday.  Yes, what I did was a totally stupid, boneheaded maneuver.  In a very real and literal sense I know that, yes, I absolutely deserved to be hit and likely killed right there.

I know better. I’m a better driver than that, although you’ll never know it, I didn’t show it…..and maybe it’s not even true.  I’m still not sure why I did it.  There wasn’t space, there wasn’t a need.  I did it with a total lack of thought.  I did it without thinking of the consequences.  I did it without even knowing where you were and how you would react.

I’m sorry.

How many times have I wondered “What in the ___ is that idiot thinking with that bonehead maneuver??!!”  Yesterday it was me. I was the idiot and the bonehead putting lives at risk, and I can’t even answer that simple question, “what were you thinking?” I wasn’t thinking.  I made a split second decision that was almost an unmitigated disaster.  I’m sorry.  I’m sure it frightened the bejeebers out of you.  You saw it for a very long fraction of a second longer than I did. You saw it coming and it must have been scary. I deserved the finger, and the cursing, and a whole lot more.

Next time when I’m the innocent one, I hope I react as well with my driving as you did yesterday.  I hope I remember my own experience in being the chowderhead in a situation.  I hope I remember that the human mind is complicated and that whether we think things through or we don’t and just react, that each person is different and that most, like me, aren’t really intentionally out to hurt others.  Whether it’s the reptilian brain or the autonomic response system, we all are capable of making really, really terrible decisions based on something other than our higher brain function.

And I hope that next time I grant the other driver grace because I’ve lived to do so.

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